Doan Chung-Hernandez

The blog about the life of Doan

Archive for the ‘ Kimberly Cooper ’ Category

Been going through all my old videos for the past few days trying to get caught up on uploading them all on Vimeo. I came across these that I never put up.

Top one is of Kola when we use to live in Oakland CA. Oh memories. I have to say, I don’t miss the warehouse one bit.

Below is a video of Ray doing what he does best, play ball. It’s a shame that he never went pro but all things happen for a reason. I always tell him that he’d be a douche if he’d gone pro and we never would have met. Someone I don’t think that makes him feel any better.

And here’s one of us in Playa Del Carmen. If you’ve seen the photos then you’d know it was the vacation of the year. I think Michelle is trying to take our photo since she’s the only one not in the photo.

And here is another Playa Del Carmen one. The girls are being stupid.

And this one is during the Santa Crawl when I use to hang out with this girl named Lauren, not really sure why, but I’ve moved on to better things.

This one is of Ray wearing his Baby Carlos shirt before a SocialFly Event. It’s in reference to the movie the Hang Over so if you haven’t seen it then you won’t understand why his shirt is so awesome.

This one is probably the most recent of these videos. Ray is slowly becoming a gamer and tonight he dragged my ass to Game Stop to buy the new Call of Duty Black Ops game.

This one is at a BBQ at Chris’s Utz’s house, a ball player from Ray’s baseball team. I guess you can say he’s also a friend.

Well hope you guys enjoyed. There’s actually more but from the days of before this blog was started so really no use in putting them up here.

Happy House Warming!

Happy House Warming

It was really a football/housewarming party, but in my head it was a house warming party since I don’t really care about football.

Our House Warming Party!

Ray set the date for the 12th of September, which gave us two weeks to settle in. That’s not a lot of time but it is a deadline and that means we’d better well be settle in by then. And “settle in” doesn’t just mean to be completely unpacked out of all those cardboard boxes but it also entails having the walls painted, furniture bought, curtains hung up, shelves put together, photos printed and framed etc. Yeah, we had a lot on our plate but I’m glad because it forced us to make our home our home.

Our House Warming Party!

We bought so much food, probably enough for each person to have three hot dogs and two burgers. Good thing Ray likes burgers because he’s gonna be eating it for a long time.

Our House Warming Party!

Met Ben and his girl for the first time tonight. They’re a cute couple.

House Warming Party!

And of course we gotta give it up to Kris for cooking all the food. Thanks bud. Your the best!

House Party!

I’m gonna start calling Kimmy and Coop Brad-gelina because they are such an ugly couple.

House Warming Party!

Ray drank a lot tonight, compliments of his boy Amet. Amet remember, we work from home, your the one who’s gonna have to wake up and get your ass to work in the morning.

House Warming Party!

Too much Patron Amet!


Kimmy got me the best house warming present ever!

Amet, you gotta FIGHT for your RIGHT to . . . PARTY!


We all love us some Amet.

House Warming Party!

I changed my mind, Brandi gave us the best gift ever!

Gangsta House Warming Gifts

Time to put them to use.

Snoop Dogg & Dr. Dre in Da House

With my girls.

Party!

Ray’s getting dirty.


Steven Ray and Nycole got us a pretty rad gift too.

House Warming Gifts

Shots all around.

House Warming Shots

Amet’s  got tricks.


Getting gangsta up in here.


Seriously Ray, Amet doesn’t want your dirty dog.

House Warming Gays

House Warming Friends

Force feeding Amet is wrong.


The boys.

House Warming Boys

They’re cute.

House Warming Cousins

It was a good night.

House Warming Night

Buddha would be proud.

House Warming Buddha

Now does this look like a face that is living it up on his birthday? Nope, this is a face that is “dealing” with another birthday. I mean really we’re here more for me than him. I’m the cupcake whore.

So it’s Ray’s 29th birthday and of course I had something up my sleeve, he’s the love of my life. I’m planning on throwing my baby a surprise birthday dinner and seriously, who wouldn’t love to have a surprise party on their birthday? While surfing the net day in and out for the prime place to host it I stumbled onto Tillman’s Roadhouse. The banquet room fit just over 20 heads, right around the same amount of people I had planned on inviting, surly it was a sign . . . or not because when I called to make the reservations the gentleman on the other line kindly stated that they were closed on Mondays. Arrrgh! Really? Well I didn’t want to waste such an awesome find so I made Reservations for Valentines Day and in desperate despair I resorted to the Blue Fish Sushi, Ray’s favorite sushi restaurant up in Dallas.

Now I don’t know if any of you have ever planned a surprise birthday, but boy are they stressful. I had planned for us to start the day off slow, maybe have breakfast with his dad, then to the Dallas Museum of Arts, kill a few good hours there, grab some coffee and then head out to dinner. Sounds brilliant right? Wrong. First we grab some food with his dad, because as far as Ray knows this is going to be the only time he gets with his pops on his birthday but for some reason his dad tells him that he’s also available for dinner too. Why? I don’t know, maybe he doesn’t under the concept of a “surprise party.” So now I have to factor in meeting his dad for dinner. I know it’s not a big deal but when you have so much to think about and you want things to be perfect, it is. So later we arrive at the museum only to find that it’s closed. Arrrgh? Seriously what the fuck is the point of Presidents Day anyway? So now we have a good 3 hours to kill and that’s exactly how we ended up at this cupcake shop.

Pretty cute, wish I could remember the name of the place.

Looks good right? Damn straight.

But does Ray really want to be here, on his birthday? What do you think? Does it look like he does. I mean he could barely squeeze out a smile for this photo.

Now throughout the day I had to watch my baby text his friends to hang out or go grab a few drinks later tonight only get shut down, on his birthday. Ouch! Of course I knew this would happen which is why I informed everyone to say they were busy (I guess dad didn’t get the memo). But watching his day go from bad to worse was heart breaking. Seriously, 7:00 can’t get here sooner. Since we had 3 hours to kill, after the cupcake shop we headed to Mocking Bird Station and shopped, or at least I did, at Urban Outfitters. Again, Ray just moped around, like a kid following his mom. Trust me I wanted to go too but where to? Arrgh again. After shopping we grabbed some coffee at Starbucks. Thank you Starbucks for being open on Presidents Day. Now this last hour is when I started to get antsy. Ray wants to get there early and grab some drinks at the bar while I’m getting texts from Kuya Ben saying so far only 6 people have arrived out of the 18 that were suppose to be there. Arrgh! While driving past the Blue Fish I was so fearful that he would see someone familiar walking up to the restaurant so I shouted, “oh, look at those houses, lets go check out the neighborhood.” And he snaps back, “I don’t want to go look at houses right now,” from frustration of doing a bunch of shit that he didn’t really want to do all day. I suggest he drops me off because I’m “cold” while he goes out in search of parking but he decides to valet instead. Awesome. When the car stops I hop out and run into what I thought was the Blue Fish but it was another restaurant right next to it.  When I realize I’m at the wrong place I rush back outside only to find my husband staring back at me like I’m a moron. So I rush into the Blue Fish and say to the host, “reservations for Dohh and Ray,” which was signal to let her know that I’m with the guest of honor but that stupid bitch goes, “the rest of the party is over there.” Arrgh, really? I wanted to rip her head off and thrash it as hard as I could right up against the wall. Anyhow, as soon as Ray heard that he put two and two together and it hit him, but luckily, just as it did, everyone stood up and shouted, “SURPRISE!”

Yeah, it was a stressful day but the look on his face made it all worth it.

And almost everyone showed up. Awesome.

Kuya Ben and Bernh.

Our favorite couple, Steven Ray and Nycole.

Brandy and Monique.

This was pops first time having sushi and he loved it.

Kris drove up all the way from Austin.

Raul and his beautiful wife, Cynthia.

Kimmy and Jacob show. It’s always so nice to see these guys.

Amet and Anthony are the shiz-nit.

Of course Kuya Ben had to show off his new camera, canon G11. Jerk.

Oh, and those amazing spring rolls Ray had boasted about, overrated.

Hope it comes true snuggle bear. I love you.

I would totally come back just for this. It was orgasmic.

After dinner I was really hoping for all of us to go out and grab a few drinks. I mean we are on Greenville, but it was Monday. So Brandy, Monique, Jeremy, who showed towards the end of dinner, Ray and I went without them.

How my husband finds new ways to multitask with the iPhone always amazes me.

Love ya babe. Happy birthday. Hope it was a good one.

One of the first things I did today was throw my shell I got while snorkeling back into the ocean, but before I did I wrote Virgo Bash 09 on it. I had intended on bringing it back as a souvenir but little did I know when I captured it I also captured a little hermit crab that took up residence in it. I was hoping by day five the little guy would of detached itself and wondered off but it hadn’t and now I’m actually starting to feel bad. This little dude was a fighter and I’m feeling like a douche for taking him out of his habitat so I threw him back in the ocean where he belongs. It’s not near his home but it’s close enough. Be free little man, be free.

Bad news, Kimmy is leaving us today. After a lite breakfast we head into town so she can catch the bus to the airport. It’s starting to hit all of us, our vacation has past its half way mark. There’s still so much we want to do and definitely not enough time to do it. We make a stop at the local travel agent and for some reason none of us can make a decision.

Do we do another excursion or just spend the next couple of days enjoying margaritas by the pool side? No one cares, we just need someone to decide and no one wants to step up and make that decision for fear being the one who makes the wrong choice and blows the rest of our time here. Instead of making a hasty decision we decide to ponder on it over a couple of beers on the beach but before that we must bid Kimmy fair well. Oh Kimmy your family will always be there, vacations like this don’t come around too often, next time I want to see you stay till the end. Got me. See you back in Texas and congrats on that new pea in the pod.

Alright it’s time to do some pondering over Coronas.

After a bucket of Coronas we decided that since we can’t decide we shouldn’t go because it obviously doesn’t feel right so instead we follow our gut and go back to the resort to upgrade our room.

The lady wearing the white shirt in the photo above was a massage pimp. No seriously, she was out trying to pimp out massages for certain massage therapists. I’m not kidding. Home girl would not leave us alone until we got a massage so to sweeten her deal she offered us five minutes for free, you know like a test drive.

So we took her up on her offer and got five minutes of bliss for free. While heading back to the resort I spotted a pair of titties out in the open for all to see.  So I did what any respectable tourist in Mexico would do, I took a picture.

And then when I got closer I took another photo because photos last longer than memory.

We’re tired of walking on this damn beach. It’s not the beach that’s getting to us it’s all the Mexicans that keep hounding us for drinks, massages, food, excursions and whatever else they can sell to make a buck. I’m so over it. Get me back to the resort, I need a drink, a free all inclusive drink.

That’s our resort right there in front of us and you know what, we’re tired of it. We want something bigger, better and more glamorous so we decided that when we get back we’re packing our bags and finding just that. The first person we saw when we arrived back was this douche bag a few of the girls saw the night before while out. He’s the guy in the speedo rubbing oil on his wife or some hussy he just met, who knows. Thing is he offered to, “make sex on the beach” with Michelle and Elicia. Wonder if his wife knows he’s a dirty dog. I bet you she does because she’s probably a dirty whore herself.

It definitely sucks that Kimmy’s gone but that doesn’t mean we’re not going to take full advantage of the situation. Now that she’s gone we can get a much better deal on a room because we could all stay together in one room instead of being forced to book out two since the limit is 4 persons per room. It’s not so much of having to book 2 rooms it’s more that we all really just wanted to stay together and have lots of girl time. We hiked across the street where the sister hotel was everything we had hoped for and more.

We did what we set out to do, upgrade our resort and with that our rooms. There was even a spa in our resort and a comfy hammock in the back.

But the best part was the resort itself. We all just fell in love with the place. It was like we we’re on vacation all over again, oh but wait, we are. Happy happy joy joy!

Time to hit the bar for some cocktails. Being at this pretty resort brought out the photo-whore in all of us all over again.

Time to check out the beach.

I don’t know what had gotten into all of us but we we’re so giddy over this place. I can’t believe how happy we were.

Alright time to get back to the resort and hop in the pool. I want to chicken fight with the girls but no one wants to take me on. Smart girls.

Throughout this vacation we’ve been bringing back the high five, especially Jack. We’ve been high-fiving each other, the help and everyone else that wants to connect their hand with ours. Smashing!  So it only seemed fitting that we video ourselves reenacting how we would go about high-fiving each other if we had ran into each other in the pool, but for some reason we decide to do this slow motion.

First take didn’t work out so well so we tried again.

And again.

Oh Jack.

We love this place.

Jack and I take a moment to thank the Gods above.

After we’re done goofing off we head back to our room, get ready, for what we don’t know but we want to be out and we’re ready to have some serious fun.

Seriously, the only good that came out of Kimmy leaving us was this place.

We make our way to a cute little restaurant and take up shop there.

After food we make like a baby and head out. It’s so time for some drinks.

We call our men first before we’re totally obliterated. Brownie points for us.

I’m so happy and taking a moment to take it all in.

Yes this place is breathtaking . . .

But what I love even more is being here with my girlfriends, especially Jack, she’s a real character that Yackie.

Well I don’t remember much after this place. I know we drank, had Chinese for dinner and I past out on the dinner table and somehow I woke up safe in bed next to Michelle the next morning with no hangover. Oh no, it’s not time to throw in the hat, not just yet. We still have another day..

It’s half time peoples. We gotta get into serious vacation mode. Last night we booked 4 action packed adventures at one awesome place called XPLOR. This place is no joke, as soon as we get here we’re given hard hats. It’s time to get our game face on girls!

This place is Awesome! Everywhere we went we had to stop to snap a photo. I’ve never been to any place like this before. We’re in this amazing cave with millions of staglikes hanging over us. Michelle knew everything about this place because she’s a freaking scientist. Everywhere we went she was just filling us with her knowledge like she was reciting the encyclopedia.

We had to drop off all of our personal items at the lockers provided because our excursions were so action packed that there was no way we could bring all of our girly things with us. I even had to leave my camera behind. It’s not natural for an Asian to be without her camera.

We decided to do the easiest excursion first which was floating through a fresh water underground cave.

One word, breathtaking. Since I had no camera I couldn’t take any photos. This broke my heart. However at the end I did manage to take photos of the photos they had on display. This is basically what we saw during our floating trip.

These pointy things are the staglikes I was talking about.

We did buy one of those waterproof disposable cameras. It didn’t take very good photos but I guess it’s better than nothing.

These pictures don’t do this place any justice.

After floating the underworld we decided the next plan of action would be to go four wheeling. I totally could of brought my camera on this adventure but I didn’t because I was told not to. I guess that’s what I get for following the rules. This was Jacks favorite but we all loved it. Jack and I rode together and you know she wanted to drive. I’m not gonna argue with that, like I always say, “I’m just here for the ride.” It’s no surprise that we got in trouble several times.

We had a blast going through caves, water falls and narrow bridges and the best part was that we didn’t have to follow a tour guide or be in a group. They just trust that you will adhere to the rules. Big mistake.When they saw how fast Jack and I were going they had to chase us down to tell us to slow the fuck down.

After 4-wheeling we were now ready to tackle the zip line, which was what enticed us to book this excursion package in the first place. This is like no zip line I’ve ever seen. There were 8 different towers that we had to zip to. As soon as we zipped line to one we had to hike up the tower and zip line to another. No doubt they were all high, but some were ridiculously high.

I’m afraid of heights and I knew if I waited to go last I would of turned around and gone back down to the underworld to hide my head in shame because no one would be there to stop me and that is why I volunteered to be one of the first to go.

Again, these photos were taken with the disposable camera. Two shockers on this trip, 1,  Michelle is a dare devil, surprise, surprise. This scientist gots balls, big ones at that. And shocker number 2, Jack knows fear. It’s true. By the time we got to our 3rd tower woman was ready to bail out. Of course we forced her to go through with it. On the 2nd to last tower Kimmy got stuck and Jackie almost rammed right into her. Scary.

How cute are we?

The last tower was the best though. They have you zip line right into a pool of water. You can see some guy zipping in behind us.

This place is so big that they suggest if you get lost you plan to meet back up at the heart. The coolest thing about this heart is that it really had a heart beat. You could heart it beating louder and louder the closer you got.

After zip lining we did the last excursion, log rafting. Although it was still fun this was my least favorite of them all. We had to sit on individual plastic logs and strap a paddle on to our hands and paddle through the underground fresh water caves. I had no coordination so I ended up holding everyone up. You could hear me from beginning to end because I was bumping and thumping all the way through. After logging it was time to get back to the resort. In our minds we were champions. Holy shit we still can’t believe we zipped line today. High fives all around. We deserve a nice dinner and lots of drinks.

Back at the resort I spotted this pretty little kitty pussy cat just lounging around. I’m pretty sure this was his home.

 

 

Oh I forgot, it’s Kimmy’s last night. She’s leaving us early to so she can tend to her family. Tonight we’re going to dine at our favorite trattoria. I’m determined to send this girl home with a hangover. I could see the fear in her eyes already. Be scared, be very very scared.

We we’re definitely popular here.

So Kimmy has a little something to tell us and this is how she breaks the news. She has the waiter be her little messenger boy and deliver her message to Jackie on a cake. Wait. What? I don’t get it. That stupid waiter fucked up and wrote, “Congrats” instead of “Happy Birthday” and called Jackie an Aunt. I guess in Mexico they really do treat you like family. I’m totally clueless and remain that way until someone breaks the news to me 30 minutes later . . . Kimmy is freaking preggo. What the fuck!

Okay, I don’t know how the hell she was able to totally hide that info from us throughout the whole trip. There were several times where we all took shots at the table. She did have help, her partner in crime, none other than the evil scientist, Michelle. How did we not notice her NOT drinking? Could it be that we were too involved in our drinking to notice.  But now I feel like a total ass because I had made a comment, specifically to her, about being pregnant on vacation and it wasn’t a totally nice comment at that. How do I always manage to put my boot in my mouth? Well, I applaud you with a standing ovation and seriously we’re all totally happy for you. I’m totally jealous.

Sneaky sneaky.

This drunk is getting us dude.

That’s it, he’s totally doing the Charlies Angels pose.

It’s been a long day and what was suppose to be a wild and wreakless night turned out to be a quiet and chill evening after all and we are all totally okay with it. It’s been one long successful day.

It’s day 3 of Virgo Bash and boy did we take a shit ton of photos today. Seriously we are a bunch of photo taking whores. Everywhere we go we’re snap, snap, snapping away.

Today I woke up and I actually utilized the gym they had downstairs. Yes, even on vacation I work out, extra brownie points for me. For breakfast we stayed in and ordered room service. I can’t think of anything better than room service when your on vacation. It’s a day of relaxation, no plans, just a lot of beach time with a little bit of attitude.

We had to stop on the way for a quick photo shoot.

Doesn’t Jack look pretty?

Alright my turn, give that me that damn flower.

As soon as we make it to the beach we head straight to the bar . . . only to take more photos.

Uh, a little more attitude please.

Photo-whores I tell ya. We’re all just  a bunch of photo-whores.

And then I had to stop to take a photo of these guys. This lady is wearing her freaking bra and panties on the beach. Damn Europeans wear the craziest shit on the beach. Makes me wonder if I’m part European.

Michelle thinks she just came up with the best idea. “Lets all learn Spanish,” she says as she busts out her Spanish/English dictionary. Jackie learned how to say a few choice words like “Toca ella aqui,” which means, “touch her here.” She would say it to anyone who looked local and point to my boobies and every time they would laugh, which only encouraged her to say it throughout our vacation.

Michelle’s game got boring fast so we resorted to taking more photos. Charlies Angels style.

Jackie and Michelle partook in a volley ball game when we got back.

Kick ass!

If you haven’t noticed by now, I took on the roll of the photographer, as I always do, which explains why I’m not in a lot of the group photos.

Sexy legs.

Jackie wants in on the action.

This is our friend that we met at the resort. I forgot his name but he was a Virgo too and he absolutely loved us.

I got him to get a little dirty on camera and just like the girls on Girls Gone Wild, he kindly obliged.

Jackie got this crazy idea where we had to find a worker and have them pose with us. I found this lady named Margarita and had her do the Charlies Angels pose with me. She didn’t get the whole gun thing and ended up praying instead.

Michelle found this little dude.

It’s getting late and we’re all getting hungry. Jackie had bought everyone Virgo Bash tanks and what better night to wear them than tonight.

We’re so damn cute.

So before dinner we stopped at the travel center in the lobby to book another excursion for tomorrow. It took awhile for all five of our cards to process so Jack and Elicia made use of their time by having caractures of themselves drawn up. What a waste of money. No one could tell who was who.

Tonight we’re having Mexican.

We took a break to strike a pose with one of our waiters.

Went back to eating and then during half time took more photos.

Had dessert and then took more photos.

Oh gosh, Jack is drunk already.

Then this dude came by. He was on vacation with his family and tonight he wished he was on vacation with us. He obviously wanted to hang out. We bought him a free shot and sent him on his way.

Sorry dude, but tonight is girls night out and we’re loving every minute of it.

It’s day two of Virgo Bash but for us it seems more like day one because we woke up here instead of spending half the day getting here. We’re all super excited and just want to get out and explore Playa Del Carmen and we start with the breakfast buffet. Anyone who knows me well knows that I’m not a fan of buffets. When I dine out I like the idea of having my food cooked especially for me. Being in my joyous state of mind I didn’t mind the buffet today and it wasn’t even amazing. Good thing too because I want to keep my girly figure for the beach. You feel me?

After breakfast we head back to our rooms for last minute touch ups and if you’ve ever been on an all girls vacation then you’d know that last minute touch ups can last anywhere from 15 minutes to a couple of hours. I don’t know but that’s just the way it goes. We’re ready to explore the island so while out we book a few excursions with this dude. I love that Jack is always ready for the camera.

Playa Del Carmen is such a cute town. My sister said I would love it and that, “It’s very quaint and has a “village” feel.” Um, after last night I’m not so sure I agree with her. I don’t know which Playa Del Carmen she stayed at but it’s not the same one we’re in. I didn’t really get the same quaint village vibe that she did but it is a vibrant town where you can find streets lined with vendors trying to make a buck selling useless chotskisest. The night life was wild but I’m sure after a week of living here it’d get old real fast.

After booking our trip we made haste back to our rooms so we could get ready for our snorkeling excursion. When we got to our rooms we were greeted by a beautiful swan towel.  I don’t care who your are, animal towels will always put a smile on anyone’s face.

After that we had to take a half hour boat ride to get to the snorkeling site.

When we got to land we had some time to kill so we wandered about.

And went out in search of some authentic tacos from Mexico.

I tried a new drink and heads up, it sucks dirty donkey dick.

Here check out the girls reaction to it.

This Mexicano followed me around the corner trying to get me to buy corn. On the way back I insisted that he take a picture with me. You know you totally dig his silver front tooth too. Didn’t realize it then but guess it’s pretty dick of me for using him and his corn for a photo shoot and not buying any corn afterwards. Oh, and your welcome for the crotch shot.

Michelle’s sister was aimlessly wandering about. Mitchell, seriously tell her you want your boots back.

Our glass bottom  boat is here. The clear glass bottom is so cool for all of 20 minutes but once the boat takes off it’s the gorgeous scenery all around us steals the show.

Me and my best bud in the whole wide world.

When we get there Jack jumps right in cause she’s too cool to get schooled.

And everyone follows, but Elicia. She stays behind with her new Mexican boyfriend, Choot Cho.

We snorkel at 3 different locations. It was totally awesome! I think my favorite was the ginormous school of fish right below us. It was so real.

Sorry to disappoint but Mitchell was by far the most fearless.

And Elicia did finally get in.

As you can see we had a blast. By the time where done with our 3rd snorkeling adventure we were totally ready to get back to land, down a few beers and just relax. We had some time to kill before the other boat arrived to take us back to Play Del Carmen so we settled for beers here. Oh did I mention that it’s Jack’s birthday today. Happy Birthday bud. I love you.

We were having so much fun that we almost missed our ride. Whoa, close one girls, especially considering we had to dodge the policia on the way there 🙂

We we get back we all agree that we just want to be wined and dined tonight so we got all glammed up and went out for a nice dinner. Man we were some sexy bitches. Play Del Carmen loved us!

Seriously, will someone please get that stupid waiter out of our photo shoot. Sheesh! And whoa, I didn’t realize my dress was so short. Sweeeeet!

Jack got us all Virgo Bash rings to symbolize her Golden Birthday. Man, either these girls need to tan or I’m just freaking dark.

I don’t really remember what we did after dinner but I assure you we had a blast.

Playa Del Carmen I love you!

Well, not right after but eventually. We had to mingle first and get everyone liquored up enough.

Mr. and Mrs. Hernandez. I’m a Hernandez now, I have a hard core Mexican name. If my grandmother knew about this she would roll over in her grave, both of them; I’m sure.

Don’t let our innocent faces fool you. We have been known to be completely insane and reckless. Hahahah. I love these girls and I couldn’t tell you how rad it was to have all four of them here. It’s been a while ladies since we’ve all been in the same room at the same time, ages actually. And now were all here together at my wedding!!! Jen, Heather, Me, Monica, and Becky.

Taking some time out with my little niece.

Me and my big sis, Lana, aka Lulu.

The happy married couples. Tell me guys, is it true that after marriage you guys get no more blow jobs? Because I’m really looking forward to that.

That Toph is a weird one. I’m sure he was dropped on the head one too many times as a child.

Everyone should have a friend like Jack. But with that being said, it’s just not possible, she’s one of those souls that just can’t be duplicated. Which is why she’s my angle and I love her like a fat kid loves cake, but a lot more.

Smile Jen. No salvation for you tonight. Tonight we party.

Oh no, what is Kuya Ben doing.

Sure is a lot of big Mexicans in this photo. I’m feeling out numbered and a little borderline midget.

Broom and his lovely girlfriend Penny Kim.

My sister just recently got married to Kevin and I couldn’t tell you how happy I am to have him as a brother inlaw. They’re perfect for each other. Just look at his serious face.

Jackie I don’t know what Dirk’s been putting in your head but he’s got it all wrong. Golden Dragon for life! Fuck Wachoiva.

Kevin and my mom. Whatcha writing there mom, it better be good; it’s going in my scrap-book.

Oh Marci, if only we had stayed in San Francisco we would totally be BFF’s by now, having sleep overs, contemplating on ways to torture the boys, baking, cooking, having long, deep talks about money . . .

Val and Guav, Um, Lo Ciento, no habla Espanol. Perdon.

BFF’s. If you guys were here so I would hug you so hard it would turn your butt-hole inside out.

The Semmlers, Issac, Tiffany and Chris. These are our game night friends and apparently our only friends here in Austin so be extra nice to them people; we’d like to keep em around, at least long enough to find their replacements.

Kayla and Kimmy’s daughter, sorry, I forgot her name. Peace be with you too.

Beau and Jackie, here’s the keys to the back of my truck. I kid, I kid. But seriously, the car’s parked over there.

I love my sister’s, no matter how dysfunctional you guys turned out. I don’t know why I turned out normal any you two have slight down syndrome maybe God loves me more than you.

A few of my favorite people, yes that includes Kola.

After much mingling we had our first dance as husband and wife. The reason why we’re laughing here is because Jackie rushed up from her table to go find the camcorder and fell flat on her ass.

Ray had problems taking off my garter. Bite it like a little money baby.

Selena caught the bouquet and Beau caught the garter.

Chris gave a surprisingly nice speech. Awe thanks Chris. Honey, listen to your best friend, save the money and I’m always right.

Bea and Jack also gave a really nice speech/skit.

Lana gave a kung fu panda, I’ll kill your family speech.

Beau and Becky also gave a speech, but for some reason I’m not able to find any photos of that. After all the speeches it was cake time. Yes, that is a ninja and a Mexican wrestler, and yes those are our wedding cakes.

The ninja represents me and the Mexican wrestler is Ray. Oh, and this is our vegan cake. Not the prettiest but I definitely think it tasted the best.

We’re feeding each other with a knife, yeah, that’s real smart.

Just look at our anxious little audience. I feel like a celebrity.

We had originally wanted to smash cake in each others faces but I guess when it came time to do it, it just didn’t happen.

We even manage to get a little dancing in.

Here’s my sweet air guitar move

I don’t know how it all started but somehow we all manage to got almost everyone at the wedding to take not one shot but several shots.  Here we’re passing out shots.

A toast!

And soon after that it seemed as though we were all liquored up enough to go pool jumping.  I’m pretty sure it was me who screamed, “Lets go pool jumping!”  And like sheep they all followed me.

We even convinced Amet and Anthony to jump.

Sexy Ass

And played chicken.  I play for keeps.

And then we all just hung out in the hot tub.

Tell me this wasn’t the best wedding ever.