Doan Chung-Hernandez

Thalia, the Memory Lane chick, surprised me at 11:00 the next morning and said I had to be out of there by noon. I guess it’s a good thing I woke up early to clean. Thank God for my mom and sisters; they were amazing with all the help. We packed up the car and everyone parted ways. Later a bunch of us met back up in our itty bitty apartment. I’m certain that was the most people our apartment will ever hold at one time. My family soon took off to catch their flights back home and my friends and I just decided to play it by ear, considering the long weekend we just endured. We all walked over to Kona Grill, just down the street from where we live, to grab some food and drinks.

Although my family had already taken off I still didn’t know how the hell I would manage the sleeping arrangements. Finding a place for everyone to sleep in our tiny ass apartment was like watching 30 clowns step out of a smart car. Seriously, there was me, Ray, Jackie, Bea, Guav, Val, Becky, Monica, Heather, and Jen and our apartment is maybe 750 square foot. I’m the type to just say fuck it, we’ll make it happen because there’s no way Ray or myself would ever ask our friends to go get a place.

But luckily my friends decided to rent a hotel close to the airport so they could hop on the shuttle to catch their flight in the morning. After drinks and food, what else is there to do but to get tattoos.

We’re a couple of bad ass chicks, so we decided to get a tattoo to show how bad ass we really were.

Actually, we’re not really that bad ass. All of us but Jen, decided to get a tattoo, an eternity sign, to symbolize our friendship.  I think I was the only tattoo virgin and that is why I volunteered to go first. Seriously, who wants to be a virgin? Let me cleanse myself of that purity.

My new tattoo. I love it. Now normally I would be a little more weary of who tattoos me and what the tattoo is going to be, which is why this is my first tattoo. But I have always loved the eternity sign because it looks like a sideways 8 and the number 8 is my all time favorite number, hence 08.08.08. This tattoo has meaning to me because it represents the friendship between my friends and I and that bond that can never broken. Also, it’s pretty retard and fuck up free so it makes a perfect first tattoo to get on the spur of the moment.

Jen didn’t get anything because she’s in the process of finding salvation and Val got retarded stars. No joke, they were retarded stars.

The next day I picked Becky up and dropped her off at her friend, Autumn’s house since she wasn’t leaving for another week. Bea’s a crawdad freak, well not really but she certainly likes to eat em. So where else to go but the Boiling Pot.

Poor Guav is only able to eat corn and potatoes and then works diligently for Bea pealing the shell off each crawdad, like a kid in a sweat shop, only white, and grownup and working for an Asian, the way all sweat shops should be ran.

The next day we all drove up to Dallas to Ben’s humble abode. He has the cutest twins ever, a boy and a girl and they’re both hyper as fuck.

But, I guess so are the grown ups.

We also went shopping because Bea has the coolest job ever; she gets to shop for a living and no she’s not hiring.

Then we all went out to eat with Kuya Ben.

And of course his twins, Lyric . . .

And Cloe.

Val at our house.

Val Is Funny from Doan Chung on Vimeo.

Popularity: 3% [?]

Well, not right after but eventually. We had to mingle first and get everyone liquored up enough.

Mr. and Mrs. Hernandez. I’m a Hernandez now, I have a hard core Mexican name. If my grandmother knew about this she would roll over in her grave, both of them; I’m sure.

Don’t let our innocent faces fool you. We have been known to be completely insane and reckless. Hahahah. I love these girls and I couldn’t tell you how rad it was to have all four of them here. It’s been a while ladies since we’ve all been in the same room at the same time, ages actually. And now were all here together at my wedding!!! Jen, Heather, Me, Monica, and Becky.

Taking some time out with my little niece.

Me and my big sis, Lana, aka Lulu.

The happy married couples. Tell me guys, is it true that after marriage you guys get no more blow jobs? Because I’m really looking forward to that.

That Toph is a weird one. I’m sure he was dropped on the head one too many times as a child.

Everyone should have a friend like Jack. But with that being said, it’s just not possible, she’s one of those souls that just can’t be duplicated. Which is why she’s my angle and I love her like a fat kid loves cake, but a lot more.

Smile Jen. No salvation for you tonight. Tonight we party.

Oh no, what is Kuya Ben doing.

Sure is a lot of big Mexicans in this photo. I’m feeling out numbered and a little borderline midget.

Broom and his lovely girlfriend Penny Kim.

My sister just recently got married to Kevin and I couldn’t tell you how happy I am to have him as a brother inlaw. They’re perfect for each other. Just look at his serious face.

Jackie I don’t know what Dirk’s been putting in your head but he’s got it all wrong. Golden Dragon for life! Fuck Wachoiva.

Kevin and my mom. Whatcha writing there mom, it better be good; it’s going in my scrap-book.

Oh Marci, if only we had stayed in San Francisco we would totally be BFF’s by now, having sleep overs, contemplating on ways to torture the boys, baking, cooking, having long, deep talks about money . . .

Val and Guav, Um, Lo Ciento, no habla Espanol. Perdon.

BFF’s. If you guys were here so I would hug you so hard it would turn your butt-hole inside out.

The Semmlers, Issac, Tiffany and Chris. These are our game night friends and apparently our only friends here in Austin so be extra nice to them people; we’d like to keep em around, at least long enough to find their replacements.

Kayla and Kimmy’s daughter, sorry, I forgot her name. Peace be with you too.

Beau and Jackie, here’s the keys to the back of my truck. I kid, I kid. But seriously, the car’s parked over there.

I love my sister’s, no matter how dysfunctional you guys turned out. I don’t know why I turned out normal any you two have slight down syndrome maybe God loves me more than you.

A few of my favorite people, yes that includes Kola.

After much mingling we had our first dance as husband and wife. The reason why we’re laughing here is because Jackie rushed up from her table to go find the camcorder and fell flat on her ass.

Ray had problems taking off my garter. Bite it like a little money baby.

Selena caught the bouquet and Beau caught the garter.

Chris gave a surprisingly nice speech. Awe thanks Chris. Honey, listen to your best friend, save the money and I’m always right.

Bea and Jack also gave a really nice speech/skit.

Lana gave a kung fu panda, I’ll kill your family speech.

Beau and Becky also gave a speech, but for some reason I’m not able to find any photos of that. After all the speeches it was cake time. Yes, that is a ninja and a Mexican wrestler, and yes those are our wedding cakes.

The ninja represents me and the Mexican wrestler is Ray. Oh, and this is our vegan cake. Not the prettiest but I definitely think it tasted the best.

We’re feeding each other with a knife, yeah, that’s real smart.

Just look at our anxious little audience. I feel like a celebrity.

We had originally wanted to smash cake in each others faces but I guess when it came time to do it, it just didn’t happen.

We even manage to get a little dancing in.

Here’s my sweet air guitar move

I don’t know how it all started but somehow we all manage to got almost everyone at the wedding to take not one shot but several shots.  Here we’re passing out shots.

A toast!

And soon after that it seemed as though we were all liquored up enough to go pool jumping.  I’m pretty sure it was me who screamed, “Lets go pool jumping!”  And like sheep they all followed me.

We even convinced Amet and Anthony to jump.

Sexy Ass

And played chicken.  I play for keeps.

And then we all just hung out in the hot tub.

Tell me this wasn’t the best wedding ever.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Ray and I had originally planned on getting marry at night. I mean we wanted to kiss under the moon light because, well it’s romantic and no one does that. But the more I planned the more I realize it wasn’t practical which is why no one does it. Everyone would starve because dinner wouldn’t be till like midnight and the staff and caterers would be working super late. So we pushed the wedding as late as we could, around 8 or so, and just decided to play on the 080808 theme and have me walk down the isle at 8:08. Anyhow, I know it’s almost a month later, but here’s a compilation of the photos that were taken during the ceremony.

Ray and our Reverend Jack

The flower girl was my niece Sianna. Hey, Amet just got here, glad you could make it.

Walking down the isle with my mother, it was so hard not to cry.

I think it was Ray’s dad that started the stream of tears, then Ray, then my sisters, then my mother then Jackie and then me. I didn’t look at the audience but I’m sure everyone was crying by now.

I knew I wasn’t going to be the only one crying so I had some tissue tucked between my titties ready for him

Selena and Kola, Lana’s always ready to take a picture.

My sisters look so tan.

It looks like we planned to get married at sunset.

I look so in love.

Our audience.

I Ray Hernandez of Mesquite Texas . . .

I was wearing some bright ass nail polish

You may now kiss the bride

We are the Champions

And that was our ceremony. Stay tuned for more photos to come.

Popularity: 2% [?]

One of the best things that I love about my wedding is that it was very small and very personal. Because of that almost everyone contributed a little of their love, a nice personal touch, and we all know a lot of a little adds up to a lot and in the end when I look back, my wedding was definitely one of the best days of my life. Right now I just want to take the time to thank everyone for coming and especially everyone who contributed. Jackie was a one army party at my bachelorette party in Florida. I was there for over a week so she seriously help me plan almost everything and helped me write out the whole ceremony. She also married us, was the videotographer, made her infamous jungle juice that fucked everyone up later that night and let me borrow her necklace the day of. Bea made our wedding bands by hand, I mean seriously slave over them by hand for weeks on end, sang us a song and also let me borrow her necklace the day of.

My sisters, Lana and Selena, and my mother did a fantastic job cooking the day of at the BBQ. Ray’s dad and Chris Semmler were in charge of the grill. Jackie and Bea, though not my brides maids, took on the role and was there by my side the whole time. My girls from Vacaville, Monica, Becky, Heather and Jen, went back into town to pick up the vegan cake I forgot about. Yes, I forgot about cake, something that never happens. Ben, Steven Ray and Guav were our photographers, being the amazing photographers that they are, it was a very suiting role.

Val was my helpful little runner while I was getting ready, at my beck and call, getting whatever I needed every time I called. My sisters, Lien, Lana, and Selena were my brides maid. Kola, our dog, even put on a tux and walked down the isle next to Selena. My niece was the last minute flower girl. Bea and Toph were the grooms people. Toph was also the best man, at Ray’s side the whole time. My new brother in law, Kevin, was the informer by being guided and informed on the proper usage of the facilities. Bea’s sister, Bernh, also did some video work and assisted me with my makeup.

Kaila, Ben’s daughter and Val also helped take some photos. Toph, Bea, Jackie, Lana, Becky and Beau gave a wonderful speech. Steven Ray’s girl, Nycole, whom I just met that day and absolutely love, took full charge and came up with the beautiful flower arrangements around the pagoda. Gauv along with the help of a few others draped the pagoda; he was deserted for a while so he gets most of the credit. Bea along with help from the rest of the girls did the boutiques, flower and candle arrangements.

I’m sure I’m leaving a few people out, but I just wanted to express my gratitude to everyone, even those that just showed up to witness our day. Because of all of you my wedding turned out better than I had envisioned. Kudos and much love.

Popularity: 1% [?]

What a great day. When I think about the day I got married I can’t help but to smile really big. It’s the way every wedding should be: stress free, surrounded people you love, lots of good food and alcohol always helps.

There was some last minute shopping I had to get done, like flowers. Bea, Jackie and I went out in search of fresh flowers. After hitting up a few places and 3 hundred dollars later we came back with butt loads of flowers and some other random items we had on our list.

To my delight I came back to see my sister’s and mother had been hard at work doing what they do best, cook.

Chris and Pops fired up the grill.

I got in my bikini and joined the party.

How adorable do my sisters, mom and I look here?

Good times in the pool.

Jackie made her infamous jungle juice.

With my girls.

Kuya Ben’s a perve.

Gay boys like to ride each other in the pool.

I love my little sis.

Group photo.

Synchronizing pools jumping should be an Olympic event.

Kola roamed around.

Is this the gayest photo or what? Guav is in a bikini and in the back it looks like Coop is giving Ray a flower. I hope this photo comes back to haunt them one day.

Mom, Robin, Pops, Beau

Steve and his awesome wife, Nycole.

Kimmy, baby, and husband, Coop.

Chris and Marci.

Stuffing our faces.

As you can tell, it was a pretty awesome day and it was only going to get better. I love weddings, especially mine.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Alright, where did I leave off . . . so now that I know that I’ve come to my senses and realized that paint ball just wasn’t feasible, I stopped stressing; it’s all good now. When we got to Memory Lane, Ray’s parents were there, along with my family, (first time meeting). There was still a few hours of day light left so we all got into our swim suits and took full advantage.

When it started to get dark we took the party inside.

But the pavilion looked so nice at night . . .

So we went back outside.

And brought some beer with us too.

Pops gave us a lesson in Shot Gun Beer 101. Oh, I see, you got to open up the throat.

The girls went out of control.

Oh, and my sisters made some cookies.

Hours later we all finally made our way to bed. Besides a few minor hiccups, I was really happy with the way the night turned out and way too excited for tomorrow to begin.  I’m getting married tomorrow

Popularity: unranked [?]

First I have to pick up Val, then Jen. Becky gets in at 11:00 p.m. Bea and Gauv were suppose to get here around the same time but their flight was delayed and I have to pick them up at 2 in the morning. It’s two days before my wedding and I have some minor things I want to take care of before everyone arrives but it’s impossible since I have no control over their flights. Ray can’t help me because he’s at his bachelor party in Dallas. Ahhhhh! Fuck it. Jen, Val and I head to Kona Grill to get some drinks before I have to pick Becky up. Since our apartment is tiny I’m taking Becky and Jen to Becky’s friend, Autumn’s, house to stay the night right after I pick up Becky from the airport.

This photo here is the start of my stress. Up until now is when I start to loose it. It’s the next day. Ray gets here and he brings with him Beau and Chris. We all walk down the street to grab a quick bite before we have to split up. I head to the airport with Bea and Val to pick up Monica and Heather and then swing by Autumn’s house to pick up Becky and Jen. My friends Heather, Monica, Becky and Jen are all super close and none of us have seen each other in some time, so as soon as they all see each other they hug and want to take photos. I let them know that we’re in a bit of a time crunch and we have to make it quick and that’s when Becky says something like, “taking an extra two minutes isn’t going to matter.” I suppose she’s right, but I’m seriously starting to stress because in like an hour or so we should be meeting up for paint ball and we still need to meet up with the boys at Costco.

So as soon as everyone loads up in the car, Becky makes, not a request but a demand to get some beer and a few other girls chime in in approval. I reluctantly have Bea take them to the mini mart and by this time I’m trying my damn hardest to stay cool. You see, I have been so proud of myself for staying so cool throughout the whole wedding planning process. I have not been a bridezilla nor do I want to be but my friends are making it really hard for me to not want to rip their fucking heads off and chuck it straight out the window at some poor drivers wind sheild or down the freeway so their skulls will be crushed by the tires of diesel trucks. I know they’re just happy to see one another and just want to party but have a little consideration. It’s my day, my wedding, and I’m stressed on time and stopping by for beer probably won’t make a difference but it adds to my frustration people.

So they all get back into the car and I’m pissed off but trying my best not to show it. It’s hard because I have always been the type of person to tell my friends exactly how I feel but with so many people in the car and considering how pissed I was I didn’t think it was the right time or place. Becky could sense I was upset and later says to calm me down, “we’re on exactly the right time schedule we need to be, honey.” This only aggravates me even more and I envisioned her head bouncing off the hood of a car and onto the freeway cement where an on coming school bus pops it like an itty bitty pimple without any notice. First thing all of you should know, I despise being called honey, or sweety by anyone that is younger than me, in a condescending tone or by any one other than Ray when I’m pissed off. And besides how the hell would you know that we’re on the right time schedule? I’m sorry have you been planning this wedding? Anyhow, everyone could feel the vibrations of my stressful energy and I hate all this pity sympathy because the fact of the matter is I would be fine if we didn’t have to stop for beer so I just blurt out that I really didn’t want to stop for beer.

Now we’re at Costco and I’m trying to stay away from my Vacaville friends because I’m too mad and stressed to deal with them. We have a lot of people, 3 carts full of Costco stuff and we’re late for paint ball. Bea could tell I was starting to lose it. I wanted to cry and it was so hard not to but I didn’t want anymore pity sympathy, especially now that the boys were around.

There was absolutely no room in the car. I was stubborn and wanted to put the boy’s Tetris skills to work but no one was having it. Bea called Enterprise and we all had to wait outside with all our stuff for enterprise to come and save the day.

My friends left to the car to go drink more beer. God bless them.

Finally Enterprise came, took me, Bea, and Guav away to sign some paper work and we were back in a black P.T Cruiser. We all loaded up the cars and headed to Memory Lane in acceptance that there would be no paint ball.

Popularity: 3% [?]